I should still do that I guess. Tell you to make a choice. But what is there to choose between, really? Me or..what? You have already made that choice. Still. I should tell you to make up your mind, push you away til you're over it. I know I should. Or sometimes I do. Other times I just wanna fight til I fall apart. Fall to pieces. Fall dead. I'm not overreacting this time. I'm not seeing things that aren't there. When I say wors like "broken" and "dying", I'm not just throwing them around. You wanna know how I know that? Because I desperately wish I was throwing them around. I desperately wish it's all in my head. That I'd be fine no matter what. I make myself believe that sometimes. But not often. Reality is too obvious. To me atleast. And to the others. They see it happening. They see every part of me as it falls to the floor. You don't. You always think it's allright until I cry. That's the way you work. It scares me a little. It's not that I don't want you to be happy. I do. I really do. But I'm so scared that you'll forget how important this is. That you will not know what you're doing to the girl you call your girlfriend. Not that it matters, really. You can't stop feeling even if you want to. But there is this little voice in my head that goes like: "It wouldn't be this way if she knew. She wouldn't love him in the first place if she loved you. This is not gonna pass. If it does, she'll just find someone else to crush on because she's so unsatisfied with you. You're not good enough, in any way." But she would've left if she didn't love me, wouldn't she? "It's just a matter of time." But she said it was gonna be okay... "She also said that it wasn't gonna get worse, and look at her now." She loves me. "Oh really? She won't even stop being with him. She knows that she's killing you but she wouldn't even sacrifise oe friend for your survival." It might be so, but she doesn't believe in sacrifising anything, and she really doesn't nderstand what she does to me. At all. I'll just have to fight. No matter what she does. I'd rather die fighting (and die I probabbly will) than live hurting like that. It would kill me eventually anyway. Right now, I might as well enjoy her company...